Om Sri Ganeshaye namah. Om Sri Sai nathay namah. This blog is a testimony to how Baba holds the hand and shows the way forward at each and every step in the most challenging situations of His devotees' life. It is a detailed account of Baba's involvement and the series of experiences that He blessed me with to keep me and my family safe from the blazing heat of our karmas. Only HE, the Supreme Father, who is there watching over us all the time can do the impossible for His children and change the course of their destinies as He did in my case. I, a devotee of Baba since 2014, was a late mother. When my child was born in 2013, I took emotional refuge in him from the unpleasantness in my inside and outside world. But the evening of 31 Oct. 2015 changed everything when my son who was 2.5 years old by then, happily went out with his dad to play in the park and came back home with third-degree burns on both his hands and left knee and 1st /2nd-degree burns on face and the right knee. I was listening to Baba's aarti when I heard the cries and screams of my son and husband outside. It was very unusual to hear my son squealing so excruciatingly, as he had on quite a few occasions proved himself to be an exceptionally calm, brave, and happy baby. Even in my wildest imagination, I wouldn't have guessed the calamity that had befallen. When I was told what had transpired, my body turned cold and my mind couldn't believe that this was for real and not a nightmare. All the present and future seemed to crumble before me as I stood shaking and screaming like a lunatic to see that the palms of my beautiful baby's tiny hands along with some other body parts were unrecognizable with no skin. Our minds had suffered the shock effect too so despite realizing how crucial each and every moment was, we rushed to the nearest hospital instead of calling the ambulance and lost the way. When we reached there after a while, the doctors put him straight under the shower and my brave little boy, with no place to sit, stood there quietly for 20- 25 minutes without complaining even once. As the doctor took off his shirt, more misery unfolded as the burn on his arm was revealed. His little arm had turned pitch black like coal. After the initial line of treatment, his case was immediately transferred to the Burns Unit at Children's Hospital, Brisbane.
1st visit to hospital
There the doctors showed little hope of recovery without surgery. They put him on extra strong pain relievers and to see how the skin responded, decided to wait for 15 days- bandaging, unbandaging, washing and cleaning his wounds every day, and with every painful round of dressing, my baby's cries that are still fresh in my mind pierced the hospital walls, what to talk of this mother's feeble heart and mind. As if this was not enough punishment for my karma, the doctors' words about the long-term effects of the accident filled the rest of my living years with a darkness that I had no escape from. After 15 days, the burns on his face and right knee nearly recovered but surgery had to be done for the rest of the burnt areas as his skin was not responding and if left in that condition for long, could have developed an infection. But being his mother, what was beyond my capacity of forbearance was that he was most likely to develop scars that could restrict his movement and render him disabled. How much bad karmas I must have accumulated to be in this situation. I could only see tears and cries of agony ahead of us for the rest of our lives. There was nothing that could console me. I tried asking Baba but He kept silent. What's worse was that neither my heart nor my mind, despite the dire need, could connect to Him and get any answers. Even the application of udi (holy ash) from Shirdi that my sister sent in utmost urgency did not convince me in any way since destiny had to take its course. I very rarely went inside the hospital room where my son was treated as I have always been a weak-hearted person. The nurses, being concerned about my welfare, put me in a separate room to let me cry in peace. But on one occasion the room was locked as it was reserved. Hearing my child writhing in extreme pain, I went out of the unit with gushing tears and my heart tearing apart, to go away as far as possible and cry my heart and soul out somewhere in solitude. That's when I came across a room that looked unoccupied. I went inside. It was the multi-faith room of the hospital that had a prayer book. Not knowing what prayer to write, I started writing 'Sai, Sai, Sai ' in it. This became a routine on every hospital visit. Baba started dropping hints through 'SAI' car number plates around the hospital, but all I could think of were the circumstances and the misery that was in store for us probably for as long as we would breathe. I failed to understand that Baba was trying to tell me that He was there and aware of my situation. To say that each and every moment of life had become a living, tormenting hell would be an understatement. So for mind diversion, after one such hospital visit, my husband took us out to my son's favorite wildlife sanctuary. Pushing my lifeless body from one animal enclosure to another, I wished death for myself to seeing my son incapacitated for life. But who would take care of my son? What would become of him, especially under these circumstances? Just when I was lost in my world of melancholy with my stare fixed at a particular point, right before my eyes I saw a whole coconut floating in the platypus enclosure. We had visited that place and that enclosure several times before but I had never ever seen a coconut before. It was as if Baba had suddenly shown His presence to pull me back to my senses and was telling me to believe in Him.
The day of the surgery arrived. The doctors cut a major portion of skin from my son's little thigh and grafted it on his little arm, knee, and left hand. Baba had stopped the doctors from touching his right hand where the skin had started growing back. After the 3 hours of operation, we were asked to meet our son in the recovery room. Seeing my son's tiny body lying unconscious on the stretcher, all wrapped up in bandages, with a vacuum pump attached to the operated skin that he was supposed to carry on his frail shoulders all the time for the next week carefully without snapping any tube, my soul screamed out in utter despair, " Baba, who should I show my wounds to?? You blessed me with such a loving son but why did you let this happen? My son had seven injuries in all including the donor site(thigh). In the seventh chapter of Sai Satcharitra, you save a child from the fire. Why then, why did you not save my son?? Why Baba? "
After surgery
But the worst was yet to come. Soon after surgery, my son unfortunately started developing scars. His skin started thickening and tightening everywhere it was grafted. Every visit to the hospital became a nightmare. The doctors opined that the burns on the arm and knee might not pose a problem with movement but his left hand which had developed a contracture was at risk which meant that after some time it would turn inwards and he would need repeat surgeries almost every year or two till he is an adult and thereafter nobody is sure how things would be. The more the skin grafting, the more the scarring but that would be the only way to keep his hand functioning. O Deva, what karmas do we have that we had to go through this? Where should I go? What should I do? The burns specialist proclaimed clearly that his hand would need a 'miracle'. Despite the absolutely hopeless situation somewhere, my heart whispered loudly 'You will get a miracle doctor and you will see that'. I spent days after nights after days after nights looking at my once very cheerful son's burnt body parts, caring for his wounds, crying out to Baba, and questioning him all the time. But Baba seemed to be taking His time to develop more patience in me. At that time, my humble temple only had a small picture of Baba and a Sai Vrat Katha book that my sister had left with me before I came to Baba's feet. One day while praying, in a state of desperation, knowing very well my physical and other limitations, I vowed to do 9 Thursday fasts for 9 times. I knew that due to my health, I wouldn't be able to stick to the rule of 1-time meal a day. So I ate morning and evening and nibbled in between to keep myself going. I knew that I wouldn't be able to go to the temple on Thursdays as I wasn't driving at that time in Australia and found it hard to go by bus with my son. I also knew that it's hard to find poor people here so my only option would be to feed birds or friends. Despite all this, I started fasting. On the very first day of vrat I offered 'kishmish' as naivaidya and asked Baba to tell me if He had accepted my vrat. I had no idea how that would happen. My front-door neighbors who were South Indians, were going to India and so they left a few perishable things from their fridge with us. Later in the evening after I had put all things away in my fridge, there was just one small packet wrapped in a newspaper that was left out. I opened it to see what it was and couldn't believe what I found. I had tears of joy to find kishmish inside! Baba had pardoned my failure to keep vrat with all the formalities. Thank You, Baba. Nearly 2 months passed. I had lost sense of day and night. One midnight, Baba flashed a thought in my mind-- alternate medicine. I immediately googled to see if there was a cure for contractures and hypertrophic scars in Ayurveda. I read all the pages on Google right from 1st word to the last but there was only one site that my mind kept paying attention to. I felt that Baba had shown me a bleak ray of hope. The burns ayurveda specialist doctor was in Kerala, India. I contacted that doctor the next morning and placed an order for the cream he recommended for massaging the burns. But after the much-awaited cream was received, my son refused to let me even touch his hand. It took me a while to figure out how to conveniently massage his burns after he was asleep. The Ayurveda doctor asked me to bring over my son to him for a detailed examination and I somehow felt convinced to go to him. Maybe Baba wanted me to come to Shirdi from there? But how? My husband wasn't a Sai believer then and not much of a temple goer anyway. Asking him would not be easy as I already knew what his answer would be. It was very doubtful that he would agree to take me to Shirdi. I talked to him about going to Kerala for ayurveda treatment which he agreed easily and then mustering up all the courage I had, I did not ask but told him that I had to go to Shirdi. I knew I had done my part and if Baba had to call me, my husband would take me there. My husband took it casually and did not give any clear answer but Baba started dropping clear hints that He would pull me to His abode. On a Thursday, Baba manifested Himself in His sitting posture in the flame of the lamp I had lit for His worship. I could see Baba clearly but my heart was too sorrowful to rejoice in His sakshaat darshan. On another occasion, while listening to baba bhajans (hymns) on my phone, my downloaded playlist showed a new bhajan in big capital letters 'SHIRDI SAI NE BULAYA HAI'. I didn't remember listening to it earlier so I thought of playing it after a while. When I rechecked my playlist to hear it the next morning, it wasn't there.
In the brahma muhurat (wee hours) of the next day, I had left my husband and son sleeping at Sai Ashram to attend kakad aarti. I had no clue about how I would go to Samadhi Mandir. Moreover, as I had never been out all by myself in the dark before, I was very nervous and on the way out to the main road kept telling Baba to please take care of me. When I reached the main gate, I saw a few rickshawalas and a young couple standing there. Putting up a bold face, I asked one of the three-wheeler drivers if he would take me to the temple. Now I feel really ashamed to think that when that driver told me the fare for taking me, I told him that he was charging too much. He asked for 10rs. less and called out the couple to get in too. I felt relaxed that I wouldn't be going alone. I felt even better that only the young girl got in the three-wheeler. In no time, we got talking. She said that she was from Andhra. Once we reached the temple, I thought we would go our own ways. But somehow that didn't happen. The time for aarti was getting closer and the crowd had started pushing to move faster. The chances of attending the aarti were quite uncertain. But a strong voice in my head said, 'ye ladki hi aarti attend karvayegi" (This girl will take you to aarti on time). If I was ahead in the line, I managed to get her to me and if she was ahead, she did the same. Finally, we reached inside the mandir and found a tight spot a bit further from each other. After settling down amidst all the rush, when I paid attention to Baba, my eyes were bedewed to see Him dressed in green. Once again I felt that Baba was acknowledging my presence since the color green has a special significance for me because of Baba's first miracle in my life. During the aarti, I cried my heart out silently to Baba asking for His much-needed blessings for my son and a new life for all of us. After the aarti was over, we went and got in the long queue for udi. Each devotee was being given only one packet. I wanted more so I told her that I was going to get back again in the line to get one more as I was to leave Shirdi in the afternoon. But, extending her hand, she gave me hers and said that I could keep it as she would be coming again later. I couldn't believe that despite waiting and standing in line for so long, she actually gave her only packet of udi to me! Then we went to get our slippers back. But we couldn't remember which shop we had left them at as there were hardly any shops open around 4a.m. We asked several shopkeepers but none of them had them. I continued to search as my unknown friend waited close by me. When I got tired of not getting my slippers, I told Baba that it was ok if I didn't find them but it would be very uncomfortable since I had to rush for my son who must be waiting for me. In a few minutes, she called me and led me to an unclean corner of the road and there were my slippers! I asked her if she had found hers and she responded that she had come barefoot. I couldn't understand how was it that she saw and remembered my footwear in the dark when I took off and I didn't even notice that she was barefoot. We hired a three-wheeler back to the Ashram. When the driver told us the fare, she said that she was short of 10Rs. I gladly offered her the change and felt that Baba had recovered the 10Rs. that I had bargained with the driver in the morning.
Now only a few hours were left for us to leave Shirdi and my hopes of seeing immediate results in my son's scarring had started losing power. With no option left, I accepted the situation and begged Baba to give me a hint at least that He would take care of my son's hand. But that too didn't come. With a heavy heart, we left Shirdi. But before we left, we bought my first Sai Baba idol which was in the same posture of Baba that I had darshan in the flame of the jyot at my home.
Now only a few hours were left for us to leave Shirdi and my hopes of seeing immediate results in my son's scarring had started losing power. With no option left, I accepted the situation and begged Baba to give me a hint at least that He would take care of my son's hand. But that too didn't come. With a heavy heart, we left Shirdi. But before we left, we bought my first Sai Baba idol which was in the same posture of Baba that I had darshan in the flame of the jyot at my home.
Once back home at my in-laws, I clicked pictures of my son's hand as a record for comparing the receding of the scars after starting ayurvedic treatment which mainly relied on religiously massaging his hand twice a day for 20 min. and a couple of kadhas to drink. We came back to Australia and got a call for an appointment for a review of his scars. I was deep in depression by then as my son was refusing to take the bitter ayurvedic medicines and the scar was just getting worse. With grave fear of what the doctor would say, we went to the hospital. Every visit to and from the hospital was full of only fear, pain, tears, and prayers that didn't seem to be heard. But this probably was the most fearful visit as I expected the doctor to recommend another surgery soon. On the way to the hospital, I saw a huge crane at a construction site, the uppermost arm of which read 'MOSAIC' with M, O, C letters hidden in trees and only 'SAI' visible on top of everything. Baba was telling me to keep faith in Him, that everything else is beneath Him. I kept looking at 'SAI' for as far as I could and somewhere understood Baba's message but failed to soak it into my consciousness due to the sorrowful state I was in. As expected, the doctor recommended surgery again in a few months' time. That's when I made up my mind to give the kadhas to my son by any and all means. For the next several days I used all that I could- love, force even anger on both Baba as well as my son, to make him take the medicine. After a tiresome struggle of some weeks, he managed to start taking one of the two kadhas. But there was no way he would take the other one which was the main medicine. Baba showed the easier alternative of giving him a tablet instead of the kadha and thankfully that worked without an excessively lengthy struggle. Now that Baba had helped me cross this hurdle, my hopes started breathing again. Around the same time, while still in depression, I took out the pictures of his hand that I had clicked while in India after Shirdi's visit. As I looked at them despairingly for any signs of improvement, my eyes froze at one point in the picture that looked like somebody's face. My heartbeats raced as fast as they could and for a few seconds, my thoughts went on a rampage. With my eyes wide open I tried to figure out if it really was Baba..?. Or was it some negative force? What was it? I calmed myself down and felt awful thinking that all this while I had been entreating Him for a hint to tell me that He had heard my prayers and now when He had come Himself to rest my mind, how is it that I was still doubtful? The image of Baba in my son's hand worked like a piece of straw that saved me from drowning completely.
Day and night, without fail I kept massaging my son's scars and giving him his medicines. Slowly by slowly his hand started getting better. On every hospital visit, Baba showed His presence in one way or the other.
Months passed and I finished my fifth nine guruvar vrat. During my Nav Guruvar Vrat for the sixth time, on 2nd Nov. 2016, I had a strong urge to feed someone hungry and not just birds. I didn't know where and how to find such a person around my house here in Australia. Thursday passed but the urge to feed remained unfulfilled as I couldn't find any poor and needy. The next morning on Friday I took my son to a playgroup in the morning. While we were walking back home, my poor at-eating son asked for a pizza from Dominos. So I ordered pizza and then went to the next shop (7-Eleven) to add value to my 'Go Card' (for travel on buses). As I entered, I saw a poor old man wearing a tattered old coat and hat sitting with his walking trolley and cane (Baba's satka?) sipping on two cups of slurpy. First I thought of getting him another cup of slurpy. But he already had two, I thought, and then I thought of getting him something to eat. But somehow couldn't make an effort to go up to him and ask. As I moved out of the store, he followed me out. He walked very slowly and by the time he reached the car park area, I was inside Dominos looking at him and trying to gather the courage to go ask him if I could get him a pizza. Finally, while he was still standing in that compound trying to find something out of his trolley, I went to him and asked: Me: "Excuse me, Are you hungry"
Old man: "No".
I thought he hadn't heard me properly so I asked again.
Me: "Would you like to have a pizza?"
Excitedly the old man responded: “Why not? I would love to" and I got a deep sense of happiness.
As I opened the Dominos door for him, he signaled that he had no money. I held his satka (which he was quick to hold back) to help him come in with his trolley and told him that he need not worry about the money. I had it. He ordered a 'Supreme pizza'. While waiting for the order he kept talking to me about general things. Finally, our pizzas were ready and as I was about to leave feeling contended of finally being able to feed someone, he said, "God bless you". This was all I had expected in return. About 2-3 days later I had to transfer some money to my account. As I was looking at my transactions on the bank website to see where all I had spent during the month, I came across a transaction under the name of 'Sri Sai Shirdi'. I was taken aback for a while thinking that I had not donated anywhere in Baba's name then how was this money debited in Baba's name? I tried getting the details of the transaction but couldn't find any. Then thinking back on the amount, the day when and where I spent the money I realized that it was the amount of the pizzas that had been debited under the name ' Sri Sai Shirdi!' instead of Dominos, How was that even possible here in an Australian Pizza outlet? Unbelievable are the ways of Baba. It must be Baba Himself. He Himself came to fulfill my wish to feed and blessed us. I still get tears of inexplicable bliss when I think of it.
Nearly 1.5 years passed but the hospital visits were still as dreadful for me. I remember standing near my little temple in the kitchen and crying frantically on the phone to my sister about how killing it was for me to go to the hospital but I had no escape from it. It didn't occur to me that Baba in the form of His picture was next to me and listening to my pain. Soon He arranged for my husband's transfer to a remote town where in the absence of a Burns Unit at the local hospital, the doctors would review his scars only by video conferencing. In His lifetime, Baba used to send His devotees to different places for their welfare. Little did I realize how much welfare Baba had planned for me by sending me to this new place that I had never even heard of. We moved to the countryside just 4-5 days before the 9th fast of 9 Thursdays for the ninth time. An evening before my final fast, my husband told me that some people from his office would come over for dinner the next day. I was a bit worried as we hadn't even settled down but then I understood that Baba had arranged the unexpected guests for the 'Udyappan'. I invited Baba too to come over for dinner and forgot about it. Thursday came and brought with it an air of unexplained joy full of Baba's presence. Right from the start it felt like a festival to me. In the evening just before it was time for guests to arrive, I lit an incense stick, asked Baba to please be the first guest as it was an important day for me, and then loudly hailed victory to Baba- 'Sri Satchitanand Sadguru Sainath Maharaj Ki Jai '. I then went to switch on the lights of the carport since my husband and son were outside. As soon as the lights turned on, my husband shouted, 'niru..saanp..'. Close to where my husband and son stood outside, I saw a 5-6 feet long, calm, and dignified snake moving slowly and majestically in the direction of our dining room. As I looked at it, I remembered that a few days ago I was enamored by Baba's photo in a brown dress and felt something different about it and the snake had the same color as Baba's dress in that picture. Baba stayed on there for a while as if to tell me something. My heart pounding with excitement screamed in silence-" Baba, you have come as my first guest for dinner." The snake crossed the dining area from the outside and moved slowly towards the backyard as we followed it. As soon as it slithered away in the dark, we heard the voices of other guests coming in. Though I felt extremely blessed with Baba's leela, somewhere fear and doubt had crept in my lower mind that if I offered it milk, it might come again. I felt really bad and guilty for not offering Baba anything despite the invitation but then I realized that it was Baba's way of teaching that we can either have faith or fear and doubt. Both can't co-exist.
After 2-3 months in the new town, with the encouragement of my sister, I joined Mahaparayan for Baba's 100th Mahasamadhi. A lot of the mess in life started clearing up. Among several other temporal and spiritual benefits (not related to my son's accident), turning my husband to His feet was a major purpose that Baba had fulfilled. Yet another was securing his cooperation in my son's scar management. By massaging nonstop for over 2 years, my fingers had started losing their strength enormously. My husband who, now in the countryside, had more time at his disposal started sharing the responsibility of massaging my son who had started getting comfortable with it while awake.In October 2019 we went to Shirdi the second time. This time it was my husband who had taken the initiative of going to Shirdi. There was a world of difference in the state of my mind on my visit to Shirdi this time. Baba had blessed me with so much by this time that I had nothing, in particular, to ask for but a lot of things to thank for. In the samadhi mandir, as we went in front of our maalik, an extreme awe took over all my senses. The master of the universe glanced at me, as if, to acknowledge my attendance in His durbar and then moved His eyes across other devotees in the hall before stopping at a point. My son touched Baba's samadhi exactly the same way again. But this time, my heart was not much perturbed. I just told Baba to have a look at his hand and see how it's going. I did not feel much of the need to ask him the same thing again as I knew that Baba listened to my prayer the first time I came to ask for help. There were no more questions that my heart desperately wanted answers to from Baba. I had understood by now that Baba had actually saved my son too like the child in Satcharitra. How much worse things could have been is anybody's guess. Despite this realization, while sitting in dwarkamayi past midnight and talking to Him casually about everything, I prayed to Him to please make sure that if the scars can't go away, they shouldn't bother him in any way as apart from the physical pain, the little child has to face the curiosity of other children and grown-ups who question him, sometimes insensitively, about the how and when of it. Just then, as if to give me some message, baba sent a young 20-25-year-old boy of athletic build into the masjidmayi. As I looked at him, I was shaken out of my thoughts. He, in his sports shirt, came hopping in dwarkamayi on the only leg he had (without any props for support) and did pranams to Baba with the only arm he had. As a reflection to his inner self, he had his name 'Virat' (meaning huge) written on the back of his shirt. After offering his prayers and expressing his love for Baba, he hopped out again and left on his bicycle that he had parked right outside. A glimpse into his devotion, dedication towards Baba, and patience with life in those 5-7 minutes of his stay in dwarkamayi, left an indelible, lasting impression on me and forced open the doors and windows of my mind to realize how 'virat' the interpretations of 'Shraddha' and 'Saburi' are. Should I even be asking Baba for anything? Hasn't he kept His promise so far? Didn't He say that His words will never be untrue...? What compulsive beggars we humans can be? Life isn't easy still but I shudder to think how much more difficult it would have been without Baba's intervention. Baba had been with my son right from the start of the ordeal. It was Baba who had given him the strength to bear the pain of burns. I clearly remember that on the day of the accident while I was screaming and crying, my son on seeing his mother cry had calmed down and was quiet as if nothing had happened and stayed calm for the entire hospital visit. With no skin at all on his burnt parts, he waited patiently without a whimper in the emergency department of the hospital and then stood on his tiny legs for 30 minutes in the shower and waited for nurses to start their work. Could it all have been possible without Baba taking the pain on Himself?
It has been 4.5 years since my son's surgery and Baba is continuing to take care of him very well. We are continuing our karma of massaging him twice a day with our fingers getting old and weak and may probably need to follow for an indefinite number of years to come but it is Sai's grace that is weaving magic slowly and surely enough to keep him away from undergoing the knife again as well as on keeping my hopes alive. The doctors who said that he'll need surgery soon now do not want to touch his hand as it's doing alright without it. They are working on his less critical, nevertheless very troublesome scars and have managed to get good success in parts. Once a year, they try a new procedure, especially on his arm which hasn't responded favorably yet to any of the earlier treatments. But whatever they may do, I now understand that they are also only doing their karma yet nothing is in their hands. Doctors, in themselves, are no one to tell what will happen, at least not to baba devotees. It is our baba who is the real doctor and healer and unless He wills, not even a leaf can move. I don't know for how long the sword of uncertainty over his hand will hang on our heads but my humble prayer to Baba is that before I leave this body, there should be a calm in my mind, heart, and soul that whatever bad karmas got us into this situation have been pardoned and there is nothing to worry at all as regards his hand and other burn injuries. I should leave this world with the contentment and happiness of seeing my son living a normal, happy life graced by unfaltering love and faith in his heart for Baba. His hand and other scars should always remind him of Baba’s mercy and keep him devoted to His holy feet always. May I abandon this world singing glories of Baba's mercy and get merged forever in the dust under His feet. May Baba bless all the children and place His healing hands on those in need of a miracle.
Sri Satchitanand Sadguru Sainath Maharaj Ki Jai 🙏💐🌹 🙏Om Sai Ram 🙏